29 and single again...

To all my married friends,
Which I think is all my friends. And I think all of you except for Diane have been married for 5 and more years. So think back to what dating was like. Some of you may have had many fun memories and think back on it fondly where others remember and don't want to.

Well, I have been one that really never wanted to remember what it was like to be single. I have told myself how much fun it will be to do all the "dating stuff" over again. First Kiss, holding hands, the butterflies, getting engaged, etc. Well, I also remember it to be frustrating, disappointing, feeling not good enough, not pretty enough and so on. And I felt that way at 21, no kids, no stretch marks, no c-sec line across my stomach, I actually was smaller than I am now and even though I have never had any boobs they were definitely more perky!!!!!!! There were also many more SINGLE MEN that were my age or older to date!

So I got told about a young single adult dance that I should/ could attend. I was forewarned that their would probably not be anyone my age but, to go just for fun. I went. I am stupid. There had been 8, I repeat 8 stakes invited and only 40 people were their. And I am not sure there were any guys over the age of 24! Maybe not even over the age of 22!! I am not joking. I danced with a 20 year old. I felt like it could possible be a crime!!! Sorry to say I did not find it fun! Fun would be sitting at home checking the clock and wondering what Mike, Melissa, and the kids were doing and when the kids would be home. That would have been more fun!

And the dances haven't changed. There was the YMCA, the Electric Slide, and Forever Young! All the girls out dancing and the guys looking bored sitting on the sides. I guess I knew that those dances from years ago would never change. I knew going how it would be and yet, it was so surreal like time had never changed just new faces I didn't recognize. What a night! I luckily talked who I rode with into leaving early and made it home actually before my kids did!

So I know it was one dance- and I won't ever go again. But, I think I am done. Done dating. Before I even begin. I know it sounds harsh and yet I think I came to reality. Partly because of the dance and partly because of the conversation in the car with two guys on the way back. The reality of my age, circumstances, the majority of the good guys are married, and it gets a lot harder the older you get. A reality check is good every once in awhile. I am happy where I am at, I can do this. Be a single mom. I will do this!

I don't mean to complain. I am so thankful for what I have. My family! My parents, siblings, and my two wonderful children!!!